I was almost 180 lbs when I was a sophomore at West High. But, I was perfectly fine with myself, even at my 5’1 stature. The summer after Freshman year, my family and I went to Mexico. When we came back, we went to Walgreens to get pics from the trip. As I looked at them, I was appalled. There were pictures from Mexico, my 15th birthday and a trip to the Golden Gate Bridge.
In the pictures from Mexico, I’m at the beach and I guess I looked fine. I was 13-14? Not thin, but not fat.
In the pictures from my 15th birthday, I looked horrible. I was wearing some polka dotted button up shirt and I swear to you those buttons looked like they were about to pop. My arm flab was hanging out and … that shirt just looked like it hurt quite frankly.
The picture at the Golden Gate bridge was the last straw. In the picture was me and my family. Mom, Dad, sister, baby sister and me. And of course, my thighs looked like tree trunks and you could tell where my jeans were starting. My shirt was white and my (ughh imma cryyy) arms were flabby all over the place. That’s where I was just like…fuck this.
I was devastated. I did not know what to do.
My friend…lets call her Hannah. My friend Hanna offered me some help. She said there was this fad diet called THINSPO. She claimed it helped you lose weight ASAP, you just need to follow along with courage. I still remember her saying “It hurts like a bitch at the start, maybe the first three days, but then, you feel nothing.”
And she was right. That was 2010. And now, I yearn to die beautiful.